People, things, experiences, and opportunities come and go. Such things are not just a part of life; they are a key ingredient of it, would you not agree?
Today, I'm feeling a little sad, and so I want to write a little about that sadness as well as about saying good-bye.
Saying good-bye can be difficult…
ESPECIALLY, when it’s said to someone you love dearly who just went home to be with God in Heaven…
Or when it’s said to a friend, or to a group of friends, or to a job, or, even, to a series of experiences that have brought great enrichment to your life.
But, today, that’s not what I’m going to write about. No…
Today, I want to write a little about saying good-bye to that which has been difficult. To that, perhaps, which has been the stinging consequences of a poor decision made earlier in life. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? At least, to one degree or another. It is, I believe, a part of the human condition. Integral to it, as I wrote above.
Sometimes, when one is able finally to extricate oneself from something intensely painful or difficult, it is not uncommon for that person to feel great feelings of euphoria. The euphoria, about which I write, reminds me of a story I once heard about a little boy named Timmy…
“Little Timmy Saunders and the Toy Hammer,” by Dave
In November of 1971, little Timmy Saunders turned six.
For Timmy’s birthday, his “Daddy” bought him a toy work bench and a whole set of toy tools (hammer, saw, screwdrivers, etc.). And, wanting to be like his Dad, Timmy set himself up in his Dad’s workshop down in the basement of their home. For hours, Timmy would bang away on his workbench with his wooden tools, wanting so much to do things just like his Dad.
After work, one day, Timmy’s Dad asked his wife, who was also Timmy’s Mom, where Timmy was. He was told that Timmy was, of course, down in the workshop “working.” Not wanting to interrupt his little boy, Timmy’s Dad crept down the stairs slowly and just far enough so that he would be able to see his little Timmy “working.” But what Timmy’s Dad saw startled him. Little Timmy was hitting himself in the back of his head with his wooden hammer.
“Timmy?!” Timmy’s Dad asked sharply. “What are you doing? Why are you hitting yourself with your hammer?”
“Oh…Hi, Daddy,“ Timmy said as he turned to look at his Dad. “Because it feels so good when I stop.”
That’s just like a little boy. I never hit myself with my toy hammer, but I used to cut the circulation off in my fingers just to feel the relief when I unwound the string or rubber band. If you’ve never been around little boys, believe you me, there’s nothing knew here. This is just the stuff of childhood for little boys.
Anyway...have you not, at times, felt a little like little Timmy when you came to the end of something really difficult?
I’ve felt such things many times during my life.
But I didn’t last night—or, should I say, when I finished and said good-bye at exactly 4:09a this morning.
No.
This morning, I felt a deep, almost overwhelming sadness.
Even though there was some relief (and gratitude, too), mostly what I felt was sadness. Sadness over what was definitely the end of an era. Sadness over the loss (again) of the dreams I’d had several years before.
The sadness I felt was mine, of course, but I think, too, I may have felt (or had a sense of) a little of what God may have felt toward me over the last many years. I know that the scriptures are replete with example after example of how much our sin incites God’s wrath. I know they’re there, and I can quote many of them and, in some instances, site the book, chapter, and verse references. The thing I’m discovering, though, is how much our sin brings great sadness to the Heart of our Daddy. Especially when He sees how destructive our choices can be sometimes. On the surface, would someone say that the choice I made seven years ago was a rebellious one? Probably not. The buying and selling of property is done all the time. But….in doing what I did at that time, I stepped out of God’s best for me, and that, my friends, is a place to which I hope to never go again. I probably will (just being honest), but I pray that, when I do, it’s only on very rare occasions and not for very long.
Seven years ago, I wanted property. And, in a way, I “needed” it…or so I thought. I thought it would help me to feel better about myself. Over and over again, I remember hearing in my own heart the following quote from, O Brother, Where Art Thou?: “A man ain't no man if he ain't got land.” To many men out there, having land really does feel THAT important.
As important as it was for me to have property and a house, it was NOT important to God for me to have it. So, it would seem, I stepped out of God’s best for me and went after that which I thought I really, really wanted (but came, in time, to realize that I never really did).
Within a matter of weeks of my purchase, another line from O Brother started to permeate my mind, and it was right on the money: “Dang!!…we’re in a tight spot!!” And I was. And God was right there with me in those moments (because He’s always with me…even when I stray). That “tight spot” lasted from April 20, 2004, until 4:09a this morning (April 25, 2011), when I closed up the property for the very last time. Settlement is scheduled for 2p on Thursday. To say the least, it has been a long, difficult, and very sad road.
And, while I am feeling some relief, I’m feeling, also, the sadness of it all…for the years I lost, for the opportunities I missed because of my lack of availability, for a host of other things, which, at this point, shall go unwritten. So, yes, there is sadness there…felt by me, felt by God, felt by the both of us together.
But there’s a tremendous sense of gratefulness there, too, you know? God saw me through some very difficult things: the hamstringing of myself to things God DID NOT give me, the removing of most of those things from my life, and now, finally, the extricating of myself from a piece of property I was never supposed to have.
In and through all of this, I have learned some very valuable things about God’s grace and the redeeming work of His Spirit in my life. Here are a few of them…
- Because of God’s grace, I can accept the FACT that the situation in which I find myself in the moment is my current reality and that no amount of energy can ever change my current circumstances into something different than what they are in this moment.
- Because of God’s grace, the sting of sin is NEVER as painful, as devaluing, or as devastating as it could be.
- Because of God’s grace, I have the power to choose to step back into the center of His present and perfect best for me and follow Him to wherever He wishes to lead me. When the Children of Israel left Egypt, they had before them an 11-day journey to the Promised Land. Even though they wandered around in the desert for almost 40 years, in the end, they did make it (finally!!) to the land promised by God to them and to their ancestors.
- Because of God’s grace, I have experienced (and will continue to experience) His active and unceasing pursuit to win back my heart, my life, my time, and my circumstances. One of the greatest arenas of God's redemption in my life has been His removal from my "possession" that which I thought I wanted (but never really did) so that space and order would be created, wherein He could then give me that for which I’ve longed my entire life. The removal of an unhealthy attachment, as painful as it might be as it's happening, is, in the end, one of the most liberating things on earth. Not only does it provide relief from the weight and pain of that which has been "hitting me in the back of my head" for so long, but it creates an environment wherein the exuberance of God's joy can be allowed to express itself in and through me.
Honestly, my friends, even though I am so very hungry and thirsty and can hardly wait for God’s best for me, I will wait for Him and for it. For I know He cares for me, and I know that He knows what’s best—at all times and in all situations. I feel very grateful that God has seen fit to place within me an ability, now, to just let myself feel my deep hungers and thirsts and to stay right there with them…with the uncomfortableness, the edginess, and the ache all of it brings…until He sees fit to either satiate my desires or to remove them from me altogether. God is my Source: The Source of my hunger and the Source of that which satisfies it. For all of this, I am so very grateful to my Father for letting me wander for so many years and for staying right there with me through it all. It is all such a cool thing to me, you know?
“No Other Place,” by Dave
I made a decision once, and it was not in my best interests.
The pain of the consequences drove me to my knees.
And my Father, in His great compassion, got down on the ground with me, wiped away my tears, gave me the strength to stand, and granted me the courage to walk right alongside Him.
Together, we marched…one foot right after the other…left, right, left, right…and hiked it out.
The prayers of my life, while they may be many, are, essentially, summed up in this one simple request: “Please, Father, please…just let me keep walking right along beside You….for there is no other place in all creation where I want to be.”
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret ambitions of your heart.—Psalm 37:4
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods.—Psalm 63:5
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”—Jeremiah 29:11
I have loved you with an everlasting love.—Jeremiah 31:3
I will restore the years the locusts have eaten.—Joel 2:25
“And lo I Am and will be with you always,” says He, “even unto the very ends of the earth.”—Matthew 28:20
For God is at work within you both to will and to do His good pleasure.—Philippians 2:13
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.—Philippians 4:5
For I can do all things through Christ, Who gives me the strength and the power.—Philippians 4:13
Peace to all of you and to your families…
In Him,
Bling
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