Marinating

Right now, I’m not sure of all that I’m feeling.

I know I’m feeling tired.  Definitely in touch with that.

A friend, who also went to work this morning, wrote me earlier that she couldn’t even mention Haiti without bursting into tears.  I haven’t cried today.

Yet.

I am feeling sad, though, but not weepy sad.  At least, I don’t feel that I am, because if I were, I’d be feeling pretty weepy right now, and I’m not.

But sad is where I am, though, for I’m missing my new Haitian friends, missing Haiti (a country that I fell in love with at first sight), missing my team mates, and missing Stacy and Tara with 410. 

Tara..."Gracious and Unwavering Heart of Wisdom"

Stacy..."Exploding Heart"

My team mates...(OH HOW I LOVE YOU GUYS!!  I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUNDAY!!)...

   Allison..."Fire in a Fireplace"

   Robert..."Quiet Resolve"

   Bill..."Godly Way"

   Leah..."Gentle Fierceness"

   Wamsay..."Joy of God Expressed"

   Ethan..."Sagely Vigor"

   Tamar..."Bouncing Sunshine"

   Nick..."Wax Off"

   Collan..."Energetic Humor"

   Joslyn..."Woundedness Healer"

Haiti...

My new Haitian friends...

All the kids...

Yep.  Missing them.  All of them.  Love them.  Wish I were there.  Reminding myself that right here, right now is all that I have, though.

It’s kind of hard, you know? 

I’m feeling happy, too.  It’s always nice to be home.  I LOVED my hot shower this morning.  Kept turning the water off, though.  Think the water ran for a total of 20 seconds throughout the duration of my three-minute "shower."  I’m going to keep that up.  Makes me feel like I’m home, you know?  If home is where your heart is, well, it’s here and it’s in Haiti as I feel it in my heart right here and as I see it in my memory right now.  It’s in Kenya, too.  But Haiti is like so dominating my heart in this moment.

And so are my friends:  My Haitian brethren…the kids…my teammates…Stacy…Tara.   

Miss them.  Miss them all.

I miss the roosters, too...

At 11p, at 1:30a, at 1:40a, at 2:10a, and at 3:30a (when I got up every morning except for yesterday [Thursday]).   

It was so cool to worship God early each morning with the confused roosters as I stared up at the milky way.  Hadn't seen it in nearly seven years.  Couldn’t see it in Kenya.  The moon and fire pit dominated there.  Saw it in Haiti, though.  Four mornings in a row.  Coolness, he wrote.  No, ULTIMATE coolness.

Several people asked me why I got up so early every morning.  My answer?  It's hard to sleep away the most beautiful part of the day, of course.  Or, to quote Wamsay, my dear friend and brother, "Ummm...where Dave's concerned, I think it's a bit difficult for him to sleep away the night before."  (Note:  Though he seemed to poopoo [but only sort of] my getting up every morning, guess who joined me at about four in the morning on Wednesday?  Yep.  My big bro, Rambo.  And I think he liked it, too.  You know...?...It just might have been the first time he ever actually "saw" the milky way.  The first time in 40 years [14,600 days].  Now, how cool is that?  Very cool, me thinks!)

I know what I want to do in my life.  With my life.  And I feel that I know what I have to do.  It was a decision I made almost two years ago.  It was birthed in a dream in Ghana in 1987.  But now a course is being set.  No, walked in.  It was plotted with the decision of two years ago.  And the treading is for now.  And for tomorrow.  And for the day after that.  And the day after that.  Love the path.  It is, indeed, holy ground.  For my Father is right there—right here—with me.  He cleared it.  His Son walked it.  And now it’s time for me to imitate the both of Them.  Oh how I love the legacy They've left!

So very grateful, I am.  Yes...full of gratefulness...such gratefulness...

Pardon me, my friends.  I know it seems like I’m just dropping a bunch of dots on the table right now.  And that would be right.  

I'm kinda thinking I’ll try to connect them over the next few days…

Weeks…

Months…

Years…

The beginnings of my recalibration are just around the bend.  Just going to marinate with the dots right now, though, and dream of home…where my heart always is.  Right here, right now.  Haiti-Kenya-Durham.  That’s where I live…and ALL at the same time, too.

I think I'm ruined for life.

Nice.

C ya in a little while,

Bling

“10,000 Miles,” Mary Chapin Carpenter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kieyW-FKyQ