You May NOW Kiss Your Bride

How many of us have heard those very words spoken by the presiding minister at the wedding of a friend or family member?

Yeah…I’ve heard them—probably, at least, 25 times in my life.  (I heard them once at my own wedding to my late wife, Brenda, in October of 1991.)

I’ve been wondering, recently, about those very words, though…

I mean, what does, “You may now kiss your bride,” mean? 

Does it mean, You may now kiss the woman (that you’ve, presumably, already been kissing) AS your bride? 

Or...

Does it mean, You may NOW—as in, finally, and for the first time in your life—kiss the woman you love who is now your bride? 

What are your thoughts and feelings on this?

I’m thinking that the meaning may have a lot more to do with the latter than it does the former.

Yeah...and I'm thinking that the words being spoken are offered as a kind of “blessing” (or long-awaited permission) for the husband to now—and FINALLY!!—be able to kiss his bride.  And I mean like for the very first time in their entire relationship.  To me, it’s always sounded like a permission of sorts.  Has it to you?

So, yeah, all of this has been on my mind, recently, and has just got me to wondering about things.  :o)

Our culture is obsessed with romance...and with the physical expressions of romance.  In some ways, it’s almost as though THE deciding factor of whether girl A and boy B are now a couple is this:  Do they kiss and hold hands (and, perhaps, do more)?  Things are pretty bad, I think, as far as "the more" of all that is concerned—even in the church. 

(BTW… as a bit of a Public Service Announcement, I’m probably going to be really controversial in this post.  And, quite honestly, I would not be at all surprised if a few of those who read my blog on a regular basis stop reading it in direct response to what I write below.  For those of you who do make such a choice, I want you to know that I love you, that I understand, and that I wish for you nothing but God blessings upon you in every arena of your life.)

Okay…back to my post…

What if—and please keep in mind that this really is just a what if—the tradition of the minister saying, “You may now kiss your bride,” is, in fact, rooted in the historical practice of the bride and groom waiting to share such an intimacy for THAT very moment?

I’m just asking.

And now....for the piece de resistance...

How cool would it be (??!!) if we (and I mean ALL of us), in our dating relationships, chose to respect, cherish, and preserve in godliness the person we are spending time with to such an extent that we refrained completely from kissing (and, of course, anything beyond such intimacies) or, at least, severely limited our physical expressions of affection, and focused on courting (or "dating with godly purpose") that one with the following objectives in mind:

1. To lead him or her to the feet of Jesus in all things—even those things that might seem trivial;
2. To cultivate and display the greatest respect for oneself and the other as the child and friend of God that each of us are;
3. To pursue getting to know one another in a wide variety of circumstances, situations, and relational environments;
4. To develop a deep and abiding friendship;
5. To preserve—AT ALL COST—the emotional, moral, and sexual purity of each other; and
6. To allow, if marriage does feel like a strong possibility, the fires of romantic love to be kindled and, even, brought to a roaring state, but, because of the desire to sustain the “purposes” mentioned above, refrain from any physical contact beyond kissing and the touching or caressing (with one’s hands) of your potential spouse's face, head, shoulders, back, arms, hands, or feet.

What I’m suggesting in all of this is the practice of courting a future mate in ways that I believe are the most God- and self/other-person-honoring.  I know that some of this might feel a bit extreme to some, but I wonder, though...is that such a bad thing?  And by that, I mean, is it really a bad thing to take something so holy, precious, life-giving, and, perhaps, deadly to such an extreme?  I don't think it is, but I'm very curious as to what your thoughts are on this.

The above can be a very hard word to swallow and a very difficult practice to "walk-in," but—you know?—that just might be the point.  I'm a firm believer that such a thing cannot be accomplished apart from the love and power of God’s Spirit, the spiritual covering of Christian community, and the accountability of a few trusted advisers (In my life, I call such "advisers" my Spiritual Board of Directors, and I keep them appraised of what's going on in my life in this arena.).  In my heart, I feel that "the one" God has for me may not be the one I cannot keep my hands off of—No!!  In fact, the very "one for me''—that one who is God's absolute best for me—may just be the one I love and admire and respect so much that I cannot but refrain completely from doing anything that might injure that one (or me) intentionally or mess things up for our future together (if such a thing is a possibility) or mess up my future life with my future spouse or mess up her future life with her future spouse.

In my life, I've heard a number of people say that they want to marry a virgin, and yet, it would seem, some of those very same people have spent a good part of their premarital lives disqualifying themselves and others from meeting the basic requirements for such a condition.  In all of this (and some of you may criticize me for what I'm about to write), I feel that most of the blame for all of this lies at the feet of we selfish men.  I've heard it said before (and I know you have as well)..."Men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love."  As true as that might be in many people's lives, it is a "fallen" truism, and I hate it!  Oh, how I'd love it if all of us took that small piece of fatalistic rhetoric, cast it out upon the Dung Heap of Hades (where I think it belongs), and internalized and began to preach and practice a more respectful (and reasonable) slogan like, "A man loves a woman because he wants to, a woman loves a man because she wants to, and both the man and the woman honor God and each other by inviting God to be The Foundation, Fountainhead, and Central Pillar of what is, perhaps, the most pleasurable and life-giving experience on earth."  Personally, I like THAT stated way of relating a lot better than the dung-heap of a saying referred to earlier.

My dream of dreams…

I dream of finding a woman with whom I can build a deep and abiding friendship, a woman for whom I have the utmost respect—perhaps, even, a respect that FAR exceeds anything I have ever felt or had for anyone else (male or female) walking the face of the planet, a woman that I cannot take my eyes off of, and a woman with whom I long to be SO much and yet love and respect SO much that I will wait until the two of us say “I do” before pursuing the deep physical intimacies of love so that neither of us does anything to diminish the other in any way or to cause regret or to lead oneself or the other from God or to alienate the other in any way.  THAT, my friends, is the kind of relationship I desire to have with my future mate (or someone else's future mate!).  For me, anything less will NOT be God’s best for me (or the woman I am with!).  And, since I want nothing less than God’s best for me and the woman I spend time with, she and I will have the above—PERIOD—or I will remain wedded to my Lord alone until He takes me home.

Grace and peace to all of you,

Dave

P. S.  Provided below, area few scriptures that have inspired my thinking above:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:  Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.—Song of Solomon 2:7

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude [does not dishonor others], it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.—1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

We can say with confidence and a clear conscience that we have lived with a God-given holiness and sincerity in all our dealings.  We have depended on God's grace, not on our own human wisdom.  That is how we have conducted ourselves before the world, and especially toward you.—2 Corinthians 1:12

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.—Galatians 5:22-23

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.—Ephesians 5:25-27

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.—Hebrews 13:4