Okay...despite what you might read below, my life does NOT, typically, bristle with drama. In many ways, I live a fairly sedate, almost monastic-light, kind of life, which, to some, might even appear a bit boring. But, after you read what happened below, you might conclude that Ye Ole Daver’s life is a little less bland than you might have concluded.
—Public Service Announcement—
Today's Caper is brought to you by the letters "S," "T," "U," "P," "I," and "D." Amen.
Today's Caper is brought to you by the letters "S," "T," "U," "P," "I," and "D." Amen.
YESTERDAY…
So...I left work two hours early, yesterday, because I really wasn't feeling well (I’ve been fighting a cold of some sort for about three days, now), and thought I'd head home to get some rest. On the way home, I stopped at the grocery store to get a couple of things...some more cough drops, steamer liquid, organic chicken broth, etc.
Soon after getting home and putting everything away, I put some water on the stove so that I might steam for a little while to help loosen up what had been camping out in my sinus cavities for the previous six or seven hours. Mind you, I was NOT feeling very well at this point.
So...I approach the stove and proceed to pour a little steamer into the water only to drop the whole bottle of eucalyptus oil on the stove. Immediately, the liquid caught fire...and the stove and me along with it. Fortunately, I was able to slap the fire off my clothes, which had gone up in flames surprisingly fast. (I ruined a pair of black pants [Note to self: burnt black is not the same thing as Land's End black], my white shirt, and my robe.) Fortunately, my clothes catching on fire did not result in any burns on my body, and I am so very grateful to my Father for that.
Soon after getting home and putting everything away, I put some water on the stove so that I might steam for a little while to help loosen up what had been camping out in my sinus cavities for the previous six or seven hours. Mind you, I was NOT feeling very well at this point.
So...I approach the stove and proceed to pour a little steamer into the water only to drop the whole bottle of eucalyptus oil on the stove. Immediately, the liquid caught fire...and the stove and me along with it. Fortunately, I was able to slap the fire off my clothes, which had gone up in flames surprisingly fast. (I ruined a pair of black pants [Note to self: burnt black is not the same thing as Land's End black], my white shirt, and my robe.) Fortunately, my clothes catching on fire did not result in any burns on my body, and I am so very grateful to my Father for that.
Okay, back to more caper action…
So, after quenching the fire on me, I called 911 and worked feverishly to suffocate the fire on the stove, which was difficult given that, when I moved in December, I forgot to grab the fire extinguisher that I had kept in my previous apartment. BTW…my phone, which has been on the fritz since Wednesday, worked!! AND I AM SO GLAD FOR THAT—THANK YOU, FATHER!! (Yes…this week I lost my primary e-mail account, my phone went postal on me, I got sick, AND I almost torched myself and my new digs to the ground. Not a “normal” Blingidy Bling week, if you know what I mean!) Anyway, it took the folks from Durham Fire and Rescue maybe three minutes to get here. I was, needless to say, quite impressed. And they, as well as the folks in the apartment office, were extremely gracious toward me.
All told, there was very little damage (maybe like $500) to my apartment. I ruined some clothes (no big deal), and I burned my middle finger on my right hand a little, but running it under cold water for a while eased the sting. It's a little red, now, but it doesn't feel too bad. I spent the better part of yesterday evening cleaning and airing out my apartment.
I am so very grateful that I am okay, that my cat (Baby Kitty) is okay, and that my apartment is okay. It did scare me, a little, to see my clothes on fire, and to see the stove on fire while thinking I just might burn the place down, but I kept praying, "Father...please help me." And He did. We have such a caring God, my friends…One Who is always there with us...even when we're careless.
TODAY…
This afternoon, after I got up from my Sabbath nap :o)), I went to Home Depot and bought a fire extinguisher. I got the Binford XT-6 Double Reflex with Quadra—oh, never mind. I got the Kidde, Type BC, Fire extinguisher, $18.97, ten-year warranty. And it is now safely stowed below my sink. Regarding extinguishers, I rediscovered some info, today, that may be useful: For kitchen fires (flammable liquids and electrical fires), a Type BC extinguisher is recommended.
FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE WHO JUST READ THIS…
The moral of the story is this: Go get an extinguisher if you don’t have one. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars—well, maybe you can do that, but please, please, please go get an extinguisher. I don't like it when my friends get hurt or die. Okay...if you already have an extinguisher, please make sure you know how to use it and that it’s in good working order. Kidde recommends that you inspect and review the “USE INSTRUCTIONS” monthly. Good advice. I think I’m going to go through those procedures daily for the next few…years.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY ACCORDING TO MY MOM…
My Mom thinks I need a wife who will, among many things, help me to stop doing so many careless things.
ADDENDUM TO THE ABOVE…
Okay, my new best friend, James, who’s one of the maintenance engineers at my apartment complex, just saw my fire extinguisher and relayed the following story...
“Dave…do you know what the best thing is for putting out a fire on a stove?”
I said, confidently: “Ummm…a fire extinguisher?”
He nodded, and then said, “Okay what’s the best thing if you don’t have a fire extinguisher?”
“Um…a hand towel and dishes.” (That’s what I used yesterday. Hey…it worked. Not necessarily charmingly so, but I’ll take whatever I can get, you know?)
“Salt.”
‘Really?”
“Yep. This morning, the same thing that happened to you, yesterday, happened to me. And I was just about to throw water on it, when my wife screamed, 'NOOOOO!!' And do you know what she did?"
I shook my head. (Of course, I knew...she probably slapped the [insert colorful metaphor HERE] out of him.)
“She reached up into the cupboard, pulled out a bag of salt, dumped it on the fire, and, well….no more fire.”
(And was it at that point that she proceeded to slap the #*!^# out of you? I asked without really asking.)
BTW...in case you're wondering, I am not an advocate of violence. Unless, of course, it's warranted. Like if someone is attacking you or someone you love. Otherwise, violent behavior is an absolute NADA! A real man NEVER strikes a woman...verbally, physically, or emotionally. And a real woman doesn't either. "Slapping the crap out of someone" is merely a literary device intended to evoke certain "understandings," shall we say, in the minds of my male readers.
"Cool," I said. "Smart wife you have there, my friend. I suppose then that what you're really saying is that your wife is the best thing for a fire, huh?”
(And was it at that point that she proceeded to slap the #*!^# out of you? I asked without really asking.)
BTW...in case you're wondering, I am not an advocate of violence. Unless, of course, it's warranted. Like if someone is attacking you or someone you love. Otherwise, violent behavior is an absolute NADA! A real man NEVER strikes a woman...verbally, physically, or emotionally. And a real woman doesn't either. "Slapping the crap out of someone" is merely a literary device intended to evoke certain "understandings," shall we say, in the minds of my male readers.
"Cool," I said. "Smart wife you have there, my friend. I suppose then that what you're really saying is that your wife is the best thing for a fire, huh?”
James just nodded his head, smiled (albeit a little sheepishly), and threw out a little wink.
Yeah…okay, Mom, perhaps you're onto something. As Dad likes to say, "I'll take that under advisement."
Okay…I’m gonna go make me some chicken soup, now. Peace-out, y’all. Hope you enjoy being with God and His people tomorrow.
Bling
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