In "Hamlet," William Shakespeare wrote, “…and this above all: to thine own self be true…”
Genuineness, or having authentic presence, is, I believe, an essential ingredient of a whole person. To express oneself honestly—not lying to oneself—is very difficult. It takes courage—fearless courage. Personal authenticity requires us to look willingly at those parts of us that we and others have, for lack of a better term, rejected. We must push ourselves to look deep within and find a way to embrace both our strengths and our weaknesses. Sometimes, it is only through discovering and welcoming our true limits that we come to any kind of meaningful sense of self-knowledge and understanding. As individuals, each of us must push beyond our perceived limitations and take the leap beyond our fear. The results may be surprising.
All of us enter life small, fragile, and helpless. Having little control over our environment, we do what we can to survive. As we grow and gain more control over our sounds and movements, we learn that our actions affect what happens to us. Through all the adjustments, modifications, and accommodations we make within our environments, our personas begin to emerge. We learn where we fit in, what our roles are, and how to juggle the costumes we deem required by each scene. The personas we create, basically the conglomerate of characters we present to the outside world, provides others in that world with a sense of who we are and of what can be expected of us.
During this growth process, which begins very early in life, we look around at the available options and, in part, choose the person we more or less want to model. Most of us want to be loved and to be a part of what’s going on around us. We desire social acceptance and want to make a positive difference in the world. We desire others to love us and to be proud of us, which helps us to love and be proud of ourselves.
The personas we create enable us to take up our place in our families and in our culture. Our personas define us uniquely as individuals and uniquely within a collective group. They also limit us, and, therein, lies the hidden cost—the fine print, in a manner of speaking (or writing!). In choosing to display some "well-packaged" parts of us, while hiding other parts, we can often lose touch with who we are as complete human beings. In her book, Awakening the Heroes Within, Carol Peterson writes (and this is a paraphrase from my memory of a book I read more than fifteen years ago), “Consider the youngest of three siblings who, through adjustments, accommodations, and sources of attention, makes the unconscious conclusion: ‘My sister’s the smart one; my brother’s the talented one; so I think I’ll be the personable one.’” The repercussions of such a choice can be astounding. As an adult, she may be the delight of the world, and yet hate herself. To me, the development of personal charm and charisma at the expense of one’s intelligence and talents is an unacceptable cost. Why can’t she exercise all three qualities in her life: intelligence, talent, and charisma? Well, I believe she can. In fact, I believe we all can.
Within you, within me, within every person, there sleeps a wellspring of many things: intelligence, loving-kindness, artistry, athleticism, a sense of humor, and a host of other things. We need to awaken, embrace, and share these qualities with those around us. They are the orphaned parts of us. Welcome them and, inevitably, you end up welcoming greater and greater parts of yourself.
When referring to his magnificent sculpture of David, Michelangelo once said (and I paraphrase), “I didn’t carve David…all I did was let him out. I simply removed those things that weren’t him.” Allow the person inside of you to come out. Who you are is all you really need. And it’s what the world needs as well. Stop apologizing for your life. You have the right to be on this planet and to take up your place. The earth is just as much yours to enjoy as it is mine or anyone else’s for that matter. Your life is yours, and it’s more wondrous than you can imagine. It’s more important than money, more important than your position, more important than whether you have a handsome face or a beautiful face (as defined by an ever-fickle pop culture). We must work to not sell ourselves too cheaply in life. Your individual value—my value—is beyond measure.
Learn what it is to be who you are already, and allow that person to express him or herself freely and honestly. Have faith in yourself. Don’t look for a successful personality and then try to duplicate him or her. Ask, instead, “How can I be me?” A man is most attractive when he’s himself and most unattractive when he’s trying to be someone else. The same is true for a woman.
Being complete and true as a person is closely related to the willingness and ability to be vulnerable. There is, in fact, something inordinately special about someone who no longer feels the need to hide or over-compensate for his or her vulnerabilities. We all have our holes—those things we’re sensitive and embarrassed (perhaps even ashamed) about. If my entire life were laid bare before you, I imagine that most of you would probably feel more relieved than shocked. As human beings, we share a common core of faults, sticky feelings, and problems. We have our strengths, and we have our weaknesses. That’s why we have friends and family. They help us shore-up the weak areas in our lives while providing us with opportunities to do the same for them. I need their strength, and they need mine. And…I need them to need mine. All of us want and need to be loved. But more than that—and, I think, to an even greater degree—we need to love. It was once written a long time ago that it’s more blessed to give than to receive. Open your heart, give yourself away (holding nothing back), and see what happens.
Death will come to all of us eventually. Statistically, one out of one people die in the world. Whatever you do, IT is inevitable. But...if you live genuinely, mindful not only of your physical mortality but also of your ability to live-out your purposes on earth to completion, you’ll leave a legacy of dignity behind you. Your relatives, your children, and your friends will know and appreciate who you were in life as well as who you will continue to be in the life to come. Celebrate life, my friends. Appreciate yourself and your world. You have one life—embrace it, make it yours, and let it express itself through you in whatever ways it desires. Oh...and don't forget to have fun...that's AT LEAST half the point!
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