Say What You Need to Say

Tonight, during dinner at small group, I was talking with a dear friend and sister about her recent weekend at Montreat in Black Mountain.  Mostly, I think I was just listening…

Say what you need to say, Dave.  He (God) already knows, you know?  Nothing you say will shock Him or make Him angry—EVER.

Say what you need to say, dude…

Yeah, my friend…I’ve been thinking about those very words all evening…

More as they relate to confession and to repentance than to telling God how I’m feeling or even what I need or want.

Confession...

Confession of sin and moral dysfunction can be both hard and easy, you know?

Why it’s difficult...

Confession requires honesty with myself…

Honesty about what’s good and bad within me.  And it’s having to express such things that makes confession so difficult. 

Being real with myself is a struggle, because, quite often, I don’t want to give up the lies I like to believe about myself.  For, when I lie to myself, I can, of course, tell myself whatever I want to hear.  This interplay of deceitfulness and the desire to listen to that which makes me “feel better” is so deeply ingrained within me that I’m not really sure where to start, you know?  The habits I’ve developed cannot be easily undone.   Without God’s help, I cannot even begin to stop lying to myself, let alone begin to be honest with God or others about what’s going on inside me.

I am asleep at the wheel of truth, and, as long as I remain there in that extremely dangerous place, there will be no hope for me...no hope for release from the sleepiness of selfishness…no hope of not significantly hurting those I care about…no hope of awakening to God’s sustaining presence and animating power in my life.  Why do I remain here?  Probably, because it feels normal, comfortable, safe…even “right.”  For me "to confess" what’s wrong in my life is a personal acknowledgment that I am not the only one who matters here.  I am not, to paraphrase an old friend, the star of my own movie, and I HATE admitting that.

Why it isn’t…

When I tire of hiding from God and myself, confession becomes easier.  When I see how much I hurt other human beings, confession flows spontaneously.  Even though it may stem, at times, from a self-protective motivation, it just seems easier, sometimes, to run to God and to my neighbor in sincere apology.  I must be both mindful and heartful of others, though—you know?  Because, sometimes, my apologies to my “neighbor” can be just as painful to that person as the original hurt I caused.  But, where God is concerned, such things DO NOT need to be taken into consideration, for He can never be harmed by my confession.  This is SUCH great news, you know?  Christ died for me, and when I consider what Christ suffered on my behalf, I cannot do anything but run to the feet of God and tell Him how sorry I am for what I’ve done or for what I've JUST BEEN DOING in my life.

Confession is both difficult and easy.  When I see the effects my sin has on the lives of others (including myself), confession occurs quite naturally.  When I'm unwilling to be honest about how my life affects me and those around me, confession becomes nearly impossible.  May God’s grace allow me to see how much my life affects others—in both the good and the bad ways.  And may that same grace prompt me to lay my life at the foot of Jesus' cross and beg, as Paul did, for "release from this body of sin."

What I need to say (Globally)…

"God...my sin, as always, is too great for me to bear.  Please help me, Lord.  Enable me to partner with you in the work You wish to do to change me.  Help me, Lord, and do for me what I am unable to do for myself."

What some of “us” might need to say (Specifically)…

Dear God…I’ve been so hateful toward my husband, lately.  I hate it that he doesn’t hear me.  I hate it God!  But I know I’ve been beating him up with my every word.  Help me, Lord, because I really do love him.  Help me to forgive him...every time...even before he acts (or fails to act).  And help me to love him the way you would have me to.  The way only You can empower me to do so.  And help me to stand up for myself with the loving-kindness that comes from Your Holy Spirit’s Presence in my life.

Father…I think I have a problem.  I feel so tired and lonely, and to help me cope, I’ve been drinking like almost non-stop.  During the week, I wait ‘til I get home from work, but on the weekends, I drink vodka in my coffee with breakfast.  I'm not really sure what I'm doing, God.  Help me to find in you the Lover I need while I wait for Your best for me.

Dear God…I love my wife, but I’m falling for Heather at work.  My eyes wander her way on every opportunity I have to see her, Lord, and my mind is like ALWAYS right there with her—even when I’m “with” Rebecca.   Lord, I’ve been feeling so badly about myself, lately, and thinking of Heather and the way she looks at me makes me feel like the man I used to feel like in the beginning with Rebecca.  Where did that go, God?  Come help me, Lord.  My mind is taking me away from Your best for me, and my heart is falling right in line.  I feel so powerless, God, but I know I'm not, because I have You, I have Your Word, and I have Your Spirit.  Help me, God.  Do for me what I cannot do for myself, but help me to do what I need to do by keeping my mind focused on You and what You’ve said in holy scripture.  THAT, Lord, is what I need to be doing.  Give me the courage, Lord, to talk with my good brother, Mike, about it when we catch the Bulls game tomorrow night.

Lord…my friends ask me if I’m sick.  They say I look so tired and gaunt, but when I look into the mirror, all I see is this HUGE tub of lard.  I’m so fat, God.  So fat…and ugly…and disgusting.  But John is concerned, God—I can see it in his eyes.  Oh, and I really HATE that, God.  I hate it that he’s watching me.  Monitoring me.  Why doesn’t he mind his own business?  But I think he has every right to be concerned, God.  The only thing I’ve eaten in the last week is a piece of lettuce.  I don’t know what to do, God.  I’ve got on a size 2 dress...but that can’t be right, can it?  It has to be a mistake, right?  I'm not a size 2!  Look at me—just look at me…the big fatty that I am.  Oh God, what’s happening to me?  I haven’t had a period in months, and food just scares the crap out of me.  I don’t even remember what it feels like to be hungry.  God, please help me.  Oh, God, please help me out of this hell I'm living in.

Say what you need to say, my friends…to God...and to a friend.  Please.

Bling

“Say What You Need to Say,” John Mayer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSS0wtjrm1U